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Don't Go There
We all have thought or formed opinions about ourselves that
lean to the side of over-critical. But, there is a big
difference between learning from your mistakes and adopting
them as some sort of personal mental credo. Repeating such
harmful thought patterns, that I will divulge promptly, does
nothing but secure your position in pathetic-ville.
Let’s start with the misguided concept of comparison. Do you
look at a magazine and think, “My butt doesn’t do that.” or “
Why doesn’t my skin look like that?” Well, I have a word of
advise…STOP! Comparing yourself to models or
celebrities is bad new bears, especially when the truth is
that they receive so much digital alteration in said
magazines, and incessant nit-picking on the subject of
appearance. Even comparing your self to friends, or siblings,
or Joe Shmoe down the road, can reek havoc on your internal
perception. When you do this, your natural beauty and charisma
take a back seat to your desire to be something other than
what you are. And news flash! What you are is brimming with
individual zest, vivaciousness, and just plain gorgeousness.
So drop the habit of saying if, “If I looked like her/him
dating would be a breeze.” Because, even if you did, I
guarantee you would run into 85% of the same problems. Being
truly content with who you are is the best tool in coping with
the issues of dating, and there are just as many beautiful
people who have low self-esteems as there are people wanting
to be them.
Next up on the list of bad ideas is the old-time favorite,
pity party. This indulgence in self-centered wallowing does no
good, and in fact does quite a bit of damage. If left
unchecked a pity party can lead straight to depression, from
which is a lot harder to get “uninvited.” This self-derailing
mind-set actually is capable of convincing that would normally
have faith in you to believe in your own projected fears. You
create this fears and make them you’re reality. May I refer to
an earlier section of discussion…No Fear!
Another dead end, is coming out of a situation and declaring
that you hate men, or can’t trust women. This is a
misinterpreted need for recovery. After a break-up it is wise
to take time to assess the situation and what it is that you
desire for future situations before pursuing to date. This
does not mean you should throw up an over-protective guard
that blankets the opposite sex as the devil incarnate. We are
meant to have bad experiences, otherwise how will we learn
from them and be able to feel the difference when something
truly great comes along. And don’t worry, it will! Sometimes
it will just take longer to learn those lessons than you
originally anticipated.
One way or another it is the Blame Game and all of its
glorious variations that you should steer far and clear from.
Whether it is on the opposite sex, or yourself, or your
parents, it is a lost cause of gargantuan proportions. Blame
is simply a way of killing time before you actually address
the problem in a proactive manner. Because, hearing an “I’m
sorry” isn’t really going to make you feel better, especially
when it is the result of a quilt trip or an argument. Your
best bet is to think about what is upsetting you, pin-point
how to prevent it in the future, and come to terms with the
past. It is over, and the only power it currently holds over
you is your decision to allow it to do so.
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