Alright. We’ve talked about where to go to find suitable
prospects and where to go to be sorely disappointed. It is
time my friend to make the move, to say hello, to get the
date. If just hearing those words gave you cotton mouth and
promptly displaced that moisture into the palms of your hands,
then this section is all for you. We all need it, that little
extra suave secret weapon in our arsenal and a swift kick in
the pants to swallow the frog in our throats and make the
first move.
My first suggestion is to go though the window.
The window being the eyes: the windows into the soul. Eye
contact is instant connection and with out it, connection just
isn’t possible. It also is a key ingredient in understanding
what people are feeling, saying and what they aren’t saying as
well. And when you’re sure to maintain contact with the
cornea’s you are not nearly as likely to make the foux pas of
visually groping someone’s butt, breasts, or package. Now when
I say eye contact, that does not mean creepy blinkless stare,
it really means listening with your eyes as well as your ears.
People give hints in they’re facial expression that can help
you find the perfect conversation-continuing question to ask.
So listen up with those eyeballs!
Now when you have broken the eye contact code
it is time to start translatin that into the verbal. For
starters always be sincere. Sincerity is not something
you can practice in front of a mirror. It is only successfully
accomplished in saying what you mean and in a genuine,
no-ulterior-motive manner. Going hand-in-hand with this is
being honest. Don’t feel like you have to lie about how much
money you make, or what kind of car you drive, or what kind of
music you listen to. Because if you do, I guarantee that any
relationship that starts from it will end just as promptly as
it began when the truth is revealed. To be honest I think this
a throw back to the advise of loving yourself; you are someone
ideal just the way you are.
Remember that being honest does not mean a free
pass to Harshville. All of the advise above must be paired
with healthy doses of being friendly and positive. I’m not
saying be the huggy cheerleader from hell, but be pleasant,
upbeat and candid. So if you really dislike someone right of
the bat don’t take it upon yourself to be “honest” and rail
into them. Simply remember what momma said, smile, don’t say
anything and find a time to walk away.
Flirting is a delicate art form that can turn
any date into a masterpiece. There are boundaries to good
flirting and they involve not being too overtly sexual, too
vain, or too anxiously eager. But most importantly know whom
to flirt with, that means flirt only with your date, not their
mom, not their best friend, and not the waiter. You don’t want
to blow the whistle on infidelity in the first meeting. OK,
once again that does not mean be a jerk to everyone else, be
polite and friendly, just not flirty. The ingredients that
make the best flirt are being truly interested in what that
person is talking about and how they are feeling, eye contact,
playing, tasteful touching ( all it takes is a hand on the arm
while talking or leaning in close when sharing a menu),
sincere flattery, and the balls to even start flirting.
There are some things that seem to be tricks of
the trade but backfire quicker than a pinto on a hot day.
First on the list is the all so popular “cute” routine. This
gets old so fast because batting eyelashes and dingy
statements are only enough to scream “take advantage of me” as
oppose to “have a relationship with me.” Being slick is just
as big of a turn off with it oily, slimy tactics that breed
mistrust. Another ploy to avoid is being obscene. It is not
hot, I don’t care what anyone thinks. Unfortunately, there is
a difference in child like enthusiasm and childish silliness.
Don’t worry there will be a time and a place for silliness,
but not when someone is just trying to get to know you, so
hold off on the armpit farts until your committed. Oh, and if
you act stupid to attract attention, you are going to be
attracting a person with some serious inadequacy issues. And
who needs to be the butt of anyone’s jokes, only someone
really stupid.
The last on the flirting death list are
negativity and the infamous whine. Negative humor is a hard
thing to not fall into because it can feel like the two of you
have something in common if you down something and they laugh.
It just sets you up for only being able to relate to each
other through negative experiences, and that ain’t a fun date.
Whining is an invitation to a pity party and no one will want
to come, and than you’ll be left with a tray full of
complaints-in-a-blanket and know one to eat them.