Those of us that had some sort of parental figure in our early
life subconscious use them as our template for relationships
now. That means if you felt you’re parents didn’t seem to have
time for you, you will be inclined to be self-sufficient yet
want someone to cuddle you and give you loads of positive
attention. Or if your parents gave all of their attention to
each other and you felt left out, you’re after someone who
focuses in on you and only you. The combinations are endless
and of course not true for every situation, but you would be
surprised at the accuracy in many cases. The really
interesting thing is how often people “suffer” from a type of
parent that didn’t give them the attention they desired, but
instead of seeking out the opposite, they seek out the same
personality type in subconscious hopes to now receiving the
attention they yearned for in their childhood. But like any
other vicious cycle, they don’t and the person continues to
feel neglected, or criticized, or whatever.
To help
sort out some of those original feelings and responses let’s
make a list of impressions of your parents by separating into
Mom, Dad, and so on. Let your mind wonder and make free
association, while giving specific details, for example: Mom -
warm laugh, chronic worrier, etc. Dad – good hugger,
workaholic, etc. Once you have the lists made, start sorting
them into positive and negative. Being realistic and fair
begin to associate these behaviors with your own dating habits
and desires. You may be surprised by the contrasts. If you
always felt a stress on money due to you father’s workaholic
nature, you may have written down that it is important that
your mate is successful. Yet, at the same time due to his
absence, you write down that you need to be your mate first
priority. This is the time when you need to think about which
one is really more important to you, and where the balance
falls between the two. With this you can use your experiences
with your parents to give you insight into your ideal
relationship criteria and free yourself from forming negative
habits of attraction.